point out some mistakes in public article

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I want a feedback on how you think this article might improve its higher order concerns (Analysis, Evidence, Organization) and lower order concerns (Style, Format, Tone, Mechanics).

Also, I want you to point out the some mistakes in ideas, topic sentence, organization, style. Please focus on higher order corners that focus on the content.

Also, I want 1-2 sentence as a comment for the orgnization of the article, analysis of the article, style of the article and the evidence of the article.

Also, I want five community comment that are relates to analysis, organization,…..

The community comments be like as I attached below:

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