I watched the video before starting to read the commentary provided and I must say, number 4 question got to me because of the video, it made me cry thinking about what I’ve been through. So I wanted to use this question and my personal experience to support the theory and provide critical insight on it.
Love lets us reach beyond ourselves – Beauvoir 1908 – 1986
“The theory is that love is the desire to integrate with one another, that it infuses our lives with meaning.” (retrieved from https://learn.umuc.edu/d2l/le/content/167022/viewContent/7032155/View)
Losing ourselves in someone else is when we become dependent on one another for our happiness and it leads to boredom. Being bored with your relationship isn’t fun and it doesn’t create happiness; it creates loneliness. I will use my marriage as an example, because we have grown from it tremendously. When we got married, in 2012, I became dependent on him because I loved being around him, I loved talking to him, but by doing so, we grew apart, very fast. We got to a point of having nothing to talk about other than the children we have together. I had no outside friends and I did not do anything without my husband, because he was my best friend and that is all I needed; or so I thought. Well, we started arguing a lot and not talking about other things. We went to see a counselor to ask how we got this far and this is what she said; “Love is a feeling, it is not a fantasy; if you want it to grow, you got to have other things within your life outside of your partner.” This confused me, he is after all my best friend, he is my world. Well, we took her advice and started “Friday Guy Night” and “Saturday Girl’s Day” and after about a month or two, we noticed a major difference; we were back to talking and communicating and being happy; not relying on each other to fulfill everything we needed. I learned that even though I was active duty Army at the time and because of that and the little time I had with my family, I wanted to spend every minute I could with them. That is a great thing, but everyone needs their own space and hobbies and time away from work and family, just to be them and enjoy what they enjoy.
I agree with this theory and support this theory all the way; my personal experience is that when in a relationship, as stated in the video, lovers should be best friends, authentic and genuine love come from being best friends and supporting one another.