Exemplification essay and outline REVISIONS

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Some other crappy tutor wrote me an essay that got a 21/40, the teacher gave it back and said could redo it and left this comment on the flaws made. “Please follow MLA format. By the end of the first paragraph I’m not certain what your thesis is. What is the reference (REF SED)? I do not see the sources listed in the Works Cited entries. Overall, this paper is too short. At just a little over three pages it is not the required length of 5-7 pages. Also, you are trying to discuss the usage of robots in industry, surgery, and caregiving. Each of these is a topic worthy of an entire paper. You should pick just one and go into some depth with it. As it is written, it comes across as rather superficially treated and possibly plagiarized. It ends abruptly and does not tie together the various points you made throughout the essay. Please revise/rewrite this paper.”

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